I keep letting weeks go by without writing anything here. I feel a little guilty. It's not that I've been distracted, really. It's too bad, because all that energy keeps getting bottled up into negative things, mostly because I begin using that free time to become concerned about smaller things that really don't matter. I start getting emotional... irrational. So, it's time to set myself back into line, because really, there is nothing worse then an overly wrought woman, is there?
FAMILY REUNIONS MAKE THAT HISTORY
It was a busy weekend for sure. I had my family reunion on Sunday, where there were about 100 members of my extended family, all packed into the basement of this church along Merivale. It was actually kind of... nice. I don't get to see many members of my family that often, and so it was great to finally get to know some of my second cousins on a closer scale and basis. After all, in my immediate family, there's only myself, my brother, my dad, my two aunts, one cousin, and my grandmother. And I'm not even close with the cousin, and less so with her mother. It's such a shame, you know? We're the only family we've got, yet we fight. Regardless, there was none of that at the reunion, with everyone seeming to be genuinely happy to see one another. I'm proud of my dad for organizing the whole thing, it really was a success. The food was great, the family was wonderful, and a lot of new bonds were made. I tried durian, mangosteen and rambutan for the first time ever. Amazing fruit, that. I can't wait to have it fresh, and from the country itself! I can't even really imagine it. Everyone just talked, ate, and helped to clean up. Instead of asking for money for a venue, we used money collected to donate to the church itself. It was all really lovely. The older second cousins around my age were all really laid back and cool, and then the younger ones were just way too cute to be real. I can't wait to do it all again, that's for sure!
A VISIT FROM THE VILLAGE FAR FAR AWAY
Of course, this would also be the weekend my lovely little miss C came to town. Back from the little village of Lethbridge. C has always been the mommy. As in, she's the one to straight up down and cuss me out if I do something stupid. All for my own good, of course, even if I don't always see it that way at the time. I was happy to have her come, but she really did pick a garbage time (what, with my reunion, and L being caught up with exams, and just people being really busy in general) but she could only get a certain amount of time off of work. Same with me, really. It's funny... we're all getting older, and the responsibilities are piling on. This is just another example of that. Her visit was markedly uneventful, as opposed to the past, where it was always party-party, rah-rah. We watched movies... stared at the television... ate out... gossiped... shopped... and it was all cool, you know? And it was great, because it was her, and I've missed her because she really is one of those people who will do what she says, and gives it to you straight. I swear, there really aren't enough people in this world that are like that. Gah, especially this one girl right now, who is quite honestly cutting it close to getting cut by me, because I do not like it at all when people tell me that they're going to do something, and then don't. Or worse, do the stuff they were supposed to do for you for other people, and then don't even address it with you. Sigh. It's so high school, and it's bothering me. But I gotta say, having C around was great, even if it was around the same time that the other C was leaving (I'll miss you) for Thailand. I have to take a page from her book, calm myself, let this little dramatic issues just be whatever the fuck they are, and not involve myself. Useless people don't need to me in my life, I swear, so if you don't make the grade, you don't make it. Little R, I loved you for a while, but this affair is growing cold. You aren't a C, that's for sure, and ya of course that's fine, but only if you're still cool to be with... and since it isn't fun anymore, really, maybe it is time to part ways with R. Friends like C and other C are hard to come by, but that's no excuse to waste my time on frivolous friendships.
STRESS AND PAIN JUST TO ENTERTAIN
I don't know why I'm stressed. Or rather, I do, and it's silly. Class is over... my final went well, and the top 5 have made their mark. Work is winding down... my contract ends next Friday. I have so much free time it's unreal. And it's killing me. I'm used to being busy all the time, all the time, you know? So suddenly having nothing is really throwing me. Work is absolutely dull, home is boring, and I end up with all this time caring about stuff that doesn't matter. Which I hate because it's stupid, and really such a waste of emotional energy. I'm back at the gym, going Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays. 45 minutes of cardio, 25 minutes of weight training, 5 minutes of stretching. More, if I can. My water intake is up, and I just finished a 7 day cleanse that I think totally ruined my digestion, but we'll have to see. I've been eating like garbage the last 2 weeks (exacerbated by C's visit, other C's departure, and the family reunion), but that's back on too, with a nice 1,100 calorie diet. I'm halfway through the count, and halfway through the day, so that's encouraging. Breakfasts are always Special K, and 1% milk. I like to vary up my lunches, but usually Lean Cuisine, or soup, or whatever. Dinners are Special K, with milk and more soup if I can or another Lean Cuisine. It's totally joyless. But in combination with the exercise, hopefully it works out to me losing the weekend weight I gained from all the overeating and eating out. Gah, I need to lose that last 15-20 pounds, it is possible, and I can do it! FIGHTING. Haha, at the least, the cleanse is done. I'll be going to the gym tonight, a good hour and a half. The lucky thing is that I really enjoy my time at the gym, I just tune out listening to music, and do my thing. Then after the gym tonight, it's back home for some serious Persona 4 time (I gotta finish!), and maybe an additional bike ride later if I can help it, though I suspect it will be late. We'll see, we'll see. But really, now, it's time to get serious and get in shape. I have to come back from HK looking ridiculously amazing, haha, that's my goal for sure.
WORK IT OUT, MAKE IT COUNT, DO IT UP
Work... is... totally... dragging. There's nothing to do. Really, absolutely nothing. I sleep here, I talk a lot, I send a million e-mails a day to S (LOVE YOU FOR KEEPING MY LIFE INTERESTING), and really do nothing else. It's like I just sit here... and the boredom is pure murder. I like to be busy. I like to do things. I couldn't ever work here full time. That said, I'm praying that they hire me back when I come back to Ottawa in January. The money is good, and it goes towards paying off my OSAP loan. It also helps me figure out if I can go back to Asia again, mostly because I want to go kick it there in the summer after classes end. I have 3 semesters to do 8 courses (plus 2 that I want to retake, so 10) so I'll be able to space liberally, and study for my LSATs like a beast. I might retake more classes, if possible... really, my CGPA is in the shit, and I have to do all I can to salvage it. Of the 10 courses required to get another option in finance, only 6 of them are finance related, because I've done the rest - and then 2 of those, I'll be doing in the winter semester. So 4... and then 4 adm related courses. I want to redo my intermediate accounting class, and my psychology class. I want to redo International Business too, if I can, god my mark was dreadful for a course I knew so much about. It's go time, and I have to do what I can to make myself marketable... though my mother's confusing me, telling me now that I don't need two undergraduates, and it's ridiculous that I'm doing another year (5 years) when most people around the globe do their degree in 3 years. I'm doing a double option! I could have graduated on time if I had figured this out sooner, but I didn't... now I need to use the time to have my grades claw their way upwards, and study, study, study like a demon for the LSATs. My placement could make up the difference... I'm smart, and capable, and I can do this. I'll talk with her more on the issue tomorrow - though isn't it funny I place so much weight in her opinion on education when she didn't do post-secondary schooling herself? Hmm...
MIND ON MY MONEY, MONEY ON MY MIND
Money is a huge issue right now. I need more of it. Seriously. Hong Kong is going to be expensive, and having my visa application denied hurt. I need it, I want it, I have to have it. It's freaking me out that the OSAP is already going to be released only in the middle of September, and that my dad is refusing to help when he just bought himself a really freaking unnecessarily expensive car is making me furious. Mum's giving me money, straight out, on top of the fees she's giving me already for the plane ticket and my housing, which is great of her. I don't know what to do, because I quite honestly need something done to get more cash into my accounts before I take off. At this rate, I'll have to do some under the table work in HK to make up the difference... sigh. Waitressing can't be that hard, can it? I'll work in the foreigners district or something. Yup. Or something.
HE'S JUST PLAYIN' THIS GIRL, AND SHE IS THINKIN' THE SAME
It's only 18 days until it's time to get out of here. I'm freaked out. I'm excited. I'm tasting heaven and dreading hell. I have no idea how this is going to turn out. I don't know who I'll be at the end of it all. I just know it's happening, it's real, and I have to face it head on. It's time to become an adult... and honestly, I can't think of anything more frightening. I don't know if I'm ready for this, if it'll be easy, or hard. But we'll have to just wait and see... which is hard for someone so impatient like me! I'll get there, don't worry. The pace is faster then I would have expected, but God knows, I need this more then I need air.
