No matter how often or little this question is posed, everyone has thought of an answer. What would you do with three wishes? I remember having an intense conversation with C over this once, high as fuck in a forest, leaning against a wooden bridge, in the dead middle of winter. The answers I gave then were completely random, because the first and second wishes were easy to come to me, you know? Snap, snap. But the last one... we both struggled there. It's like you hit a mind block after getting all the material things you've wanted all your life. What then? Material happiness only brings you so far. Is that why there are 3 wishes, over simply one or two? I'm not quite sure... but I've given it some thought. Who knows, maybe these answers match your own in some respect. But the point of this is to put down what I want, and how I'm going to achieve these myself. After all... genies don't really exist.
WISH NUMBER ONE
This was always the easiest wish for me. I want to be perfect, mind and body. I'm talking about that perfect mix of sexy and cute, able to speak any language I want, perfect grades, witty and clever, effortless charm kind of perfection. Why? Because it's something I've always struggled with. It'd be nice not to have to work so hard for it, you know? I think it's something everyone works for, and very few achieve. I want it... but it always seems out of reach despite my efforts. Only, I know secretly my efforts aren't really efforts, and that I give up far too easily over the flimsiest of excuses. I'm trying to learn Chinese. I need to set a goal. I'll be doing classes in Hong Kong, but what I really need to do is make sure I continue learning. Maybe a class in the summer, while also taking up language classes on weekends? I like being busy. That'll help. As for charming, I know I am, I've been told many times, it's just about making sure I moderate it, and speak about appropriate things. I think back, sometimes, on the stuff I used to just spurt and it makes me cringe. Was I really so air-headed? I guess it's all apart of growing up. Grades are something I'm working on. I do better when studying in groups. I do better when under pressure. The more I do, the more pressure there is, so I think I really got to put myself through the ropes to get the best results from myself. Working... school... language training... the gym... I think that's enough to keep me a bit full up, don't you? Speaking of the gym, I go 4-5 times a week now, and if I keep it up, I'll look the way I want to. It's all about diet and exercise, and if I really put my mind to it, I can do it!!! I'm still gunning to weigh 115 pounds, in the ideal, because I'm only 5'2, and honestly, that's what I should be weighing. If there's anything else I'm lacking... there's always surgery right? I'm not one of those people who freak out over things like that. I'm pretty now, but hey, sometimes money really can buy that extra 'oomph'. Plus, I know when I lose the weight, I'm going to loose my babies (ie - breasts), so something has to be done at some point. Being witty and clever comes with experience, and this trip to Hong Kong will hopefully give me the kind of perspective I need to be exactly that. It takes time... and that's where I get impatient. But it's happening. I only have myself to blame if it doesn't.
WISH NUMBER TWO
Of course, I think everyone wants to be absurdly rich. It's just a fact of life, I think. But how do you get there? Lots of hard work. My grades aren't that great. I'll be the first to admit. Part of the reason why I want to do another year is so that I can help to pull all of that up. I'm crossing my fingers... praying, really... because I think law school at the University of Toronto really is my ticket into getting all that I ever wanted. I'm fascinated by business law. I have the lack of morals that would hold me back. I'm great with talking to people, and pretending like I know what the hell I'm doing. I think it's almost the perfect profession for me. But to get there, I need an 8.0 CGPA average (not done), as well as a bunch of student experience (check) and a placement amongst the top 88 percentile or better in the LSATs (must start studying for those). I can do it. I know I can. I'm smart, capable, and ready. But it's getting myself out of this laze that's the problem. Sigh. I think the best place to start is studying for the LSATs, since my grades when abroad don't count towards my CGPA. When I get back, study like a madman all semester for the 5 courses that I'm taking. Then do summer, fall, and winter courses, so that I can spread the remaining 8 (or 10) classes I have over a bigger breadth of time. Then I'll be able to really concentrate on what matters, really put the focus on where it needs to be. Nobody is going to just give me money. I'm going to have to claw that shit in, on my own, using my own ability. I'm not winning the lottery anytime soon, and I want to be able to let my dad live out his life without debt, or concern. And I will fucking make it happen.
WISH NUMBER THREE
This was always the hardest wish for me. I never really knew what to wish for, because the biggest concerns I had were taken care of. I don't know if it's fair to wish for love, but can I? I mean seriously. I'm so unlucky here. C once said he's number three wish was to be almost hypnotizing persuasive, but... I don't know. The challenge is gone there, you know? No, I want the kind of guy in my life to make me delirious with happiness. I want that I'm-so-sick kind of love. Where it hurts to be away from them. Because now that I'm older, and I've been with more people, I'm better able to deal with those kinds of feelings, and treat them like an adult instead of a love-sick teenager. I want that passion that goes with that first love, with the insight I've gained over the years. Hell, if this is a wish, I'll go all out: I want that perfect guy, probably South Korean, but since it's my damn wish, South Korean-Chinese-Caucasian, with the whole G-Dragon, Tablo and T.O.P. vibe to them. Gangster nerdy!!! Oh my god, that style, and that secret little touches to it will get me every time. I never knew T.O.P. was such a nerd, hahaha, until R sent me some stuff online of him showing off his room. So many toys! And he cuddles stuffed animals at night? Sigh. Actual love. Tablo just has this depth to him that I find awe-inspiring. Then G-Dragon has this attitude and style that can't be replicated. I think it's a combination of love that can't be beat! And.. .haha, that wish also comes with a clause that they love you as much as you love them. It's hard when affection goes unmatched, you know?
SIDENOTE - DON'T I HAVE GREAT FRIENDS?
Mad love. Seriously. I'm very blessed. T and I went out after I was done work a little while ago, and we had a blast. Walking around, gelatto, discovering new places, eating Subway on the roof of Rideau Mall while watching bunnies and feeding the seagulls. Amazing, for sure. And then breakfast a couple days later with everyone (minus PH. Damn you, child, where were you?) which was great, then I watched the others put together some kind of personal project movie. It's kind of cool to have something that you're that passionate about. I hope all goes well for them. I'll take a moment to give T some love, and say honestly, thanks for being there for me, good and bad, listening to all my problems, whining, and ranting. Thanks for keeping me from getting hit by cars when I wonder out into traffic, thanks for copping for me when I'm spent on cash, thanks for waiting around with me when I'm bored, thanks for bringing me buns from Chi-Town when I make irrational demands, and thanks for just being you. Sometimes I get this feeling that you're dissatisfied with who you are, and I want to tell you that you shouldn't You're a great guy. No matter how people get you down, you're always there for them anyways. So really, thank you. Now if we could only work on your timing!!!! Hahahaha, Vietnamese Time is never an excuse, haha! And there's some love to J as well. I talked to him today about how there was a guy at work sexually harassing me. I felt really hesitant about talking about it... I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. But he was being very supportive about it. Told me that while he wouldn't tell me what to do, he would be would suggest I go talk to our HR person about it. I'm... kind of afraid. It's hard, when the person who's doing it is the head of one of the departments at my work. But I'm leaving after this week, and have nothing to lose. Maybe I was being a child about it. I shouldn't have put up with it as long as I did. But.. tomorrow, I'll make it all better.
