I'm laughing. Last night was pretty nice, actually. After the night, after I'd long ago given up the theory contained in my textbooks and slide shows, I was Skyping until the disgusting hours of the morning with S. Girl really does got her head on straight, I promise you that. We're always laughing. Complaining about boys. Feeling a little bit broken. She's one of the rare few girls in which I truly get along with... but I think it's because she and I were both raised on a steady diet of boys, and their laid back attitude. We were looking for jobs and debating the meaning of growing up. About the things we have to give up in order to accomplish our dreams. Really, as I said to J a week ago, I think I'd honestly be happiest ifI were on a couch in some basement studio, listening to people create visionary hip-hop. I've seen the cheap B-movie version of it from the times I've flitted through Scarborough, with boys that front like they were men, but I'm looking for the realness that they lacked. One day, one day.
EXPOSE FOR THE MASSES
Around 11 pm last night, C tells me that she's heard a friend of hers has committed suicide. His last update on Facebook is the line from a movie, "I don't think I can make it to the party". It's both insipid and beautiful, splendid in its selfish statement of intellectual superiority. They were close... had talked within the last 2 days, no less. I'm praying for her, in the limited way I know how. I know it's a horrible blow, and it feels so far away from me... maybe that's callus of me. I haven't had someone close to me die in quite a while. The last one was for my great grandmother, 98, memory lost to too many sad sights and happy births. It lead to so many things, that funeral. I think you can really only take what life you can from the deaths of others...
24 KG LASERS
DEFINITELY was super lame today and decided to apologize to J in the form of a playlist. I don't know, I find something deeply lovely in that. Like a quote I'm fully stealing from Audible Mainframe's song, Redwine & Xanex, if only I could say the words that I played for you in that last song. I'm a pretty articulate individual, but sometimes it's hard when you know the reason why you're not talking now is no longer you, or them, but rather the nature of the other human being. What to do? I'm fine with it. Understanding is more then half the battle. And at this point, I know how J can be. I'm not made angry or hurt by it... it's just how she is sometimes. I hope she likes it though! It took forever to upload the songs onto a host so that they could be sorted into Mixpod. Bloody thing has such a limited music database. I enjoyed it none-the-less, and it was a welcome distraction from my textbooks. Finished the last of chapter 7 slides for accounting and I've read chapter 6 of fixed income, and 7 and 10 are to follow! Then I'll settle with watching the movie I didn't get to watch last night. Sigh. Nice night planned!
GRASP ON THE HEELS OF APOLLO
So I got sick after all. Staying up late does that to a person. I've spent the day sleeping and made some homemade chicken soup, which I found particularly comforting. I have a feeling that will be the staple of my diet while living away, because I find it the food that best puts me at ease. Plus it's pretty easy to make! Really, you just need ginger, a whole chicken, rice, and pepper. So simple, but so good. And pretty healthy too! I'm working out a bit today and tonight again, trying to remind my body of activity. Going to look into signing up at the gym once exams are done. Must get back in shape, must get back in shape...
GIVE ME SOME LOVE AND THEN I GLOW
The movie was incredible. I haven't seen something that good in so long. Truly a fantastic film, and I cannot believe that it wasn't released commercially. Well I can, and I can't, because it's a very artistic film, and not exactly a popular one. I saw acting talent, however, in a lot of actors and actresses that I thought didn't have any of it. Very impressed. It was all poetry and vision, and I wish I had the time to watch more movies like this. It reminds me of when I used to dedicate my time to a boy, him and I, and we would sit on this couch and watch endless movies, only interrupted by personal needs. Beautiful... I'm so impressed.
I'M ON THE GRIND
Boys are crazy! I wonder why they think I want to hear things about how they're still into their exs. Now I wonder if I was like that in the post-P period. I think it's silly. These are private things that are better discussed in person rather then msn... I have a feeling the date we're going to have is going to be horrid.
WE ABOUT TO GO LIVE
Still can't let go of this song... it's a huge reason why CYNE definitely is the top favourite amongst the underground hip-hop scene. Last time they toured was over a year ago... I'm honestly crossing my fingers that they play a show soon. I will so drop everything to fly down to see them. Being able to see this kind of creativity up close and personal would be soul-completing.
